Soul Searching!!!

So I am soul searching at the moment. Searching for certain answers to questions that linger in my mind. I mean questions that plauge me, almost haunting my existence. They say you tend to attract certain types of people because of who you are and that this is a reflection of you. So I am desperately trying to look within to see why it is that I attract the people that I do.

Now this is not saying that I tend to attract necessarily bad people. But I am interested to know why I attract the type that loves to just lie to me. That is a common trend among the encounters I have had in this gay lifestyle. So I am stuck searching for answers like is it the lifestyle, me or something else?

I don't know if this means I tend to ask for too much or could it mean that I am sending some lie to me signal off into the universe? Perhaps I want too much out of my relationships? I feel wanting to have an open, honest relationship is not too much to ask. Maybe it is too much to ask of the lifestyle I am living in. I mean I can count on one hand how many relationships I know of that have survived this lifestyle for an extended period of time.

Life tends to confuse me because it seems the most simple things in life are the hardest to attain for some reason within relationships. In my experiences people tend to make things more complicated then they generally have to be. So I am just stuck soul searching now. Caught in between why and how. I feel if you want to be with a person you should just be able to be with them. What is just so hard about that? We as people let worldly obstacles influence and alter some of our decisions. I am not immune to these issue either.

These are just random thoughts that I have in my head. Did any of you have things to add or go through similiar things.