Soul Searching!!!

So I am soul searching at the moment. Searching for certain answers to questions that linger in my mind. I mean questions that plauge me, almost haunting my existence. They say you tend to attract certain types of people because of who you are and that this is a reflection of you. So I am desperately trying to look within to see why it is that I attract the people that I do.

Now this is not saying that I tend to attract necessarily bad people. But I am interested to know why I attract the type that loves to just lie to me. That is a common trend among the encounters I have had in this gay lifestyle. So I am stuck searching for answers like is it the lifestyle, me or something else?

I don't know if this means I tend to ask for too much or could it mean that I am sending some lie to me signal off into the universe? Perhaps I want too much out of my relationships? I feel wanting to have an open, honest relationship is not too much to ask. Maybe it is too much to ask of the lifestyle I am living in. I mean I can count on one hand how many relationships I know of that have survived this lifestyle for an extended period of time.

Life tends to confuse me because it seems the most simple things in life are the hardest to attain for some reason within relationships. In my experiences people tend to make things more complicated then they generally have to be. So I am just stuck soul searching now. Caught in between why and how. I feel if you want to be with a person you should just be able to be with them. What is just so hard about that? We as people let worldly obstacles influence and alter some of our decisions. I am not immune to these issue either.

These are just random thoughts that I have in my head. Did any of you have things to add or go through similiar things.

I Just Miss Him!!!!!!!!!

Ok so I am getting over a breakup and it has been harder than I thought. I mean I miss this boy a lot. At first I didn't want to admit it but I cannot lie to myself anymore. I mean damn he hit me hard (In more ways than one) LOL but we had a great connection at times. This at times was the problem though because most of the other times we were fighting or on two different planes or at least this is how it seemed to me. I mean we had a type of passion that was great but I just couldn't handle the lies and trickery he kept trying to pull over my eyes. He strikes me as a have his cake and eat it too type and plus he had WAAAAYYYYYY too much drama with him. I mean I live a DRAMA FREE existence. But I still miss the little things about him. The way his tongue hung out of his mouth when he slept or was bored. The way he held me at night and he used to make my bed when we would just be chilling in it. I always thought that was soooo sweet. I mean it just hurts because I always think of what we could have been but know we will most likely never be that.

Anything like this ever happen to you and if so, how did you get over it???