My thanksgiving

Wow, I had a GREAT thanksgiving meal. I mean awesome, I had two plates of deliciousness and it went down just fine. LOL!!! Ok, I was messing them plates up. But it was a great day because for the first time in a while my family was together. This was such a miraculous event because we are a family of individuals instead of an actual family. So it is always so refreshing to see everyone together for the most part and this only really happens during the holiday season.

So this is what I was most thankful for. The chance to see familiar faces that were starting to become unrecognizable during the year. And we had it at my grandmother's house for the first time in about five years.

I was so thankful we had it at my grandmothers house. For the last couple of years, we(My mother and I) have done it where ever we have lived. And while it was always successful it just wasn't the same feeling. Usually before we started this new tradition, everything during the holiday season was always held at my grandmother's house. It was always soo powerful for me because it was the one place where all of the family got together, so it was a welcomed return. Hopefully Christmas will turn out the exact same way :) fingers crossed!!!!

What were you most thankful for this year????

OMG I'm Back

Ok, guys I have been so swoomped with LIFE. I am guessing you know how that can be at times!!!! LOL But I am starting a new exciting chapter in my life. I got a job thanks to the wonderful temp agency I am working with, and I started yesterday. It was so nice because I have been waiting to get a retail job because I think it will help me with interacting with people on a more regular basis.

So I am excited and it is really cool. I hope you guys are having a great holiday season and enjoy the read.

Ms. Ella Ella Returns

Well Well Well Miss Rihanna has returned to the music scene today. The pop diva songstress proclaimed that the wait would be over today it is was most certainly was when she premiered her new single, "Russian Roulette." Her new album is called Rated-R!!!!! I am so happy that kept this title because I think it is just tooo fierce..

Well her new single is a slow track which I have to sat I wasn't expecting at all. The haters and Stans of a certain Self-Proclaimed Queen of R&B can say what they want. This track is hot. I mean it has everything you need in a single great lyrics strong vocals (Are you Kidding from Rhi Rhi???) Yes I said strong vocals, a great bed and beautiful production. Now people are getting into a frenzy because she did not release an uptempo track and while I was caught off guard by this I don't see the problem with it.

Our society has forgotten about the Ballad!!!! It frustrates me because Ballads put everything into a different perspective and gives the listener more of an insight than an uptempo track ever could. So this song will be a hit because it is also extremely radio friendly and a solid song. Mix that with Rihanna's promotional team and it's a wrap!!!!!

here is the new song

He Didn't Get It

Why are my feelings only important when I am ready to leave
Why is it that when I am armored you see me clearly
But when I appear naked you walk through me
Blind to the fact that I indeed exist
You were supposed to see me on that day
I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I was a Bitch!!!
When I cast you aside you tried to be beside me
But now that I am in your presence you are unaware of my existence
Why can’t you realize I am here when I truly am
Instead of realizing it when you only have a piece of me
You must not want all of me, you must just want half
But I don’t want you to want me in that half-committed state
Because that is such a lonely road, an empty path
Filled with the thorns of a cast of emotions I never dealt with in the past
Coming in and out of my life
Slowly draining the blood from my body as they prick my skin
One by One until I fall in a lovers field gasping for air
Our love takes its last breath
Signaling the end of us
My pieces have been shattered to a crucial point
Broken in my hope for a brighter tomorrow
Because today you didn’t get that I loved you when I tried

Ok so here FINALLY is the new video from Mrs. Leona herself for her first single titled "Happy" off of her upcoming album Echo.....

The Queen of the Bridge

I swear Lady Gaga is the queen of the bridge.....All of her bridges and transitions within her songs are remarkable...I mean really, I was on Youtube and saw the finished version of her song "Bad Romance" that will be appearing on the re-release of her quadruple platinum debut "The Fame" which is retitled, "The Fame: Monster" Listen to this amazing song and then get into the bridge, I swear she is the QUEEN OF THE BRIDGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can Anyone Say Underrated???!!!!!

OMG Jordin Sparks has got to be one of the most underrated pop singers and American-Idol winners that has come off of the show. I mean gosh this girl sings her butt off and has so much vocal versatility that it is so sick!!!! Check out this video of her singing S.O.S. and if you do not have her Awesome Sophomore effort "Battlefield" I suggest you hope on the Jordin train

New Videos

Below are fresh videos from some of my favorite artists that I love, I hope you enjoy them :)

John Mayer--Who Says



Daughtry--Life After You



Black Eyed Peas--Meet Me Half Way

Alexandra is Coming

Here is a performance on X-Factor that she recently did of her single "Bad Boys"



What ya think???

National Poetry day

I started writing actual poems not too long ago and it has been one of the best things I could have possibly done for myself. I mean I was a constant journal writer and I always would write these long entrees about how my entire day went. After a while I was trying to find a way to relay my feelings and not take all day. So I started to write poems and it was awesome. At first, I was just writing random things, but now I feel I can express myself so much better as a person because of my poetry writing. So here's to you poetry, thank you for letting me paint on an empty canvas.

In honor of National Poetry Day I will give you this poem!!!!!! YAY!!!!

Title: Blowing By

Wind…..Wind….. Flowing through my hair
As aggressively as an angry cab driver seeking his unpaid fare
Rushing, Whipping, going on a tear
To hide this child’s despair
See most people looking from the outside don’t care
About the life changing burden this child must bare
However strange, However Uncommon, However rare
Is the burden this child must now bare
The wind knows about this burden and says to the child “do not fear”
“I am here to blow away your problem, I am here”
But the frightened child by this point was too afraid to hear
The call from the wind
So stuck as if the child were a meek dear
Caught in the bright headlights of life
The call from the wind to the child seemed so unclear
It informed the child of the future which would soon be near
The wind blew and blew with all its power
To solve the child’s problem within the hour
But it could not succeed because the burden still seemed to somehow tower
Over the child’s mind always reaching higher
And once the wind realized the burden was too big to defeat on this day
The wind eventually blew away
Tumbling in the fields with the bundles of hay
Leaving the child with this earth shattering burden
Leaving the child’s heart in utter dismay

OH NO!!!!!! Not BEN :(

A co-founder and business mastermind behind the world renowned Ben’s Chili Bowl, a critical and fan favorite has passed. Ben Ali crossed over on Wednesday evening at the age of 82. Ben’s is a cultural staple for the U street community and tourists that visit the Washington D.C. area. Over the years, Ben’s great tasting chili dogs and cheese drenched fries have attracted some of the biggest names in the African-American community, including Bill Cosby and Barak Obama. Ali is survived by his wife Virginia and his two sons Kamal and Nizam, who still run the restaurant today. Ben’s is the only business that survived the devastating 1960 riots and is still a popular venue today.

Below are more pictures of the historic venue, the people who loved it and the food that is served

*All pictures provided by google images*

A Life of Labels

I am doing a lot of self reflection these days. I don't know, I am just all out of sorts because of personal things I am going through but this is neither here nor there. I was wondering certain things about myself.

Like:

Why do I feel ashamed of being gay sometimes?
Why am I sooo afraid to stare at men when I am in public.
Why am I afraid when men look at me?
Who am I as a gay individual within this society?
Why do I try to put labels on everything?

See one of my biggest problems is I always put labels on everything in this life. I think I do this because it is what is fed to us in this society because if we really think about it, we all put labels on things. But I struggle especially because I have the feeling that I need to classify myself within this crazy world of labels. So I find myself always trying to figure myself out instead of just living life. I do not have a set style or look I can claim nor do I want one. I like being the way I am on any given day. Some days I feel chill others I feel really masculine and others feminine. So this problem stems from my every-changing personality, because my personality is so layered labeling myself is so complicated

I don't know you guys, I have come to the conclusion that I need to just live life rather than labeling it. So this is what I will do in the future....

Leona Lewis Album Cover

Ok here is the album cover for Leona Lewis new album cover!!!!!!!

I like it but they could have done better, what you think???

Lady Gaga Before she was Lady Gaga

OMG so I was visiting a great blog today and it had this clip of the MTV show Boiling Points on it......You remember that show don't ya....Well Lady Gaga was on it....You have to check this out...

MTV Shows

Hilarious Right??????

BRANDY SINGING HER FACE

Someone please tell me why she does not have a label and why her last two records which were both critically acclaimed flopped in public opinion



Someone at the bottom of this post made a really dumbass comment,

"well she is black so she over sings "
This proves that small minded people still exist in this world

Understanding the Memoirs of Mimi

The legend that has sung the songs cherished by millions over the years is back with a new sound and perspective on life. Now married to Nick Cannon, Mariah Carey seems more relaxed and ready to go after her last commercially disappointing effort “E=MC2.” On a recent appearance on BET’s 106 and Park Carey stated, “I have too many tracks for the album so that’s my dilemma, my cross to bear.” Now the wait for Mariah Carey’s twelfth studio album entitled “Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel” that was initially pushed back an entire month is over.

Carey is making sure this album is a success for her fans. The usual cd booklet that accompanies the album is actually a magazine like spread with photos of the diva, known for singing big ballads, over the years. There is also a box set that comes with the deluxe edition which has Carey’s autograph and MP3 download of the album along with the actual disc.

The first hit that turned into yet another top ten single for Carey, “Obsessed”, showed us another side of Carey’s ever growing repertoire. She even put a little auto-tune stank on the track for her fans. Not to worry if this song was not a favorite, it is the only one on the album like it. There is little to no auto-tune throughout the rest of the disc. Still this was just a glimpse of what was to come on this ever-changing record.

The album itself is a mesmerizing mix of beautiful vocals, angelic melodies and 808 beats that all bring the memoirs together. Carey still draws from prior experiences of heartache to write her records but now uses her friend’s stories of pain within relationships on her records since she is in a happy place. These stories have morphed into songs like H.A.T.E. U which stands for "Having A Typical Emotional Upset" and Angels Cry. These are the most emotional songs on the album and also fall under the big ballad criteria for which Carey’s legend is known. In H.A.T.E. U Carey’s voice flows gently over the Dreams’ production as she sings “I can't wait to hate you, make you, pay like I do, still can't shake you off. I can't wait to break through, these emotional changes, seems like such a lost cause.” Add a couple of high notes and this song bring a tear.

This album is a musical journey that most will not want to get off because it is so well crafted. Upon the first listen it is obvious Carey carefully pieced together a record that is also assured of being a hit. Every type of song flows into one another from the upbeat tracks to the mid tempos.

This album is the perfect reminder of why Carey’s career is so illustrious in the first place. This album shows how versatile of a singer/songwriter she is and lets her fans know she is still one of the best after almost twenty years of hits. The women in the industry that want to be around for a while need to take notes from Carey because she proves hard work, talent and most of all originality equals staying power.

Images Fade While Deeds Stay

Why must we live in a world where we are constantly judged by everything we do? Where did we get these screwed up mentality that image is everything and character is apparently nothing? Most of us have this insane idea that we must look a certain way in order to do certain things and fit in certain social circles. So most of us run out and try to get the materials in order to “fit in” with what the masses tell us is cool. The biggest problem with this mentality is individuals who do not have the means to acquire these garments are automatically deemed not cool. Why does this obsession with appearance cause us to judge others so harshly?

One of the funniest quotes I hear all the time is, “I’m doing me.” Obviously some people are too busy judging others to participate in anything productive and I for one am sick of it. As soon as an individual is different in a crowd of what is defined as normal, they are labeled an outcast. Why is this so prevalent in our culture? Too many people are worried about others instead of themselves and what we don’t realize is how our judgments affect others.

Some may be tough in the daylight but they cry the tears that can only be hidden by the night. I wish people would let other people live their lives and stop examining every little thing as if they were born a detective. The worst part of this situation is the judgments are casted prematurely. Most individuals who are put in societies recycle bin are put their because of their look not because of their character or what they have contributed to society.

When someone who is always “fresh” as we like to call it sees another with old shoes on, a laugh fest commences. Why is this happening in a recession which could turn anyone’s existence upside down? Does it really take a disaster such as this for people to understand that everyone is the same? We are the same as in all of us are human. The worst part is some people still do not understand this most basic principle. We all bleed the same we all cry and have feelings, so why must we judge as if we are different? Just because an individual is better off financially than another doesn’t give them the authority to determine this person’s worth.

When it is all said and done in the end and the fat lady had hollered the last note, no one will remember the shoes we wore or the Gucci bags we rocked. No one will care about the jewelry that was once owned or who had the biggest collection of Louis Vuitton pieces. All of these types of accolades are only trivial things that mean little to others and only the world to the owner. People will remember the warmth of your heart and the grace of your spirit. They’ll remember the way you helped them in there time of need which enabled them not to fall too far beneath the cracks of life. It matters what you did in life so “do you” in a way that means something in this world because when we’re dead our image dies with us.

Life's Storm: Poem

We once were free to roam the streets as the geeks in high school.
Walking in sunlight with the wind at our backs.
But somewhere between now and then, the sunlight faded and the wind turned into a storm that poured over our existence.
We now live in the shadows created by the aftermath the storm left behind.
Where the human eye cannot see because no one cares to look hard enough.
We have become transparent in the worlds view.
So we are forced to sit in a most uncomfortable seat.
Behind society's toleration.
You see we are the outcasts, misfits and freaks no one wants to be bothered with.
Little do they know it only takes one wrong step in this world to fall through the cracks.
And land in the same seat we're sitting in.
Since we sit in the lower ranks of human existence, we are at the mercy of others.
Forced to ask them to help in order to become equal in the world view.
But the shadows are a hard place to escape, so we must wait to be seen.
By someone that takes the time to look.
But most of us are beyond the human eyes of the popular kids who grew up to be placed in corporate America.
Walking in their suits basking in sunlight, sipping on their latte's.
We sit wondering what a drip would taste like.
When they walk past for a minute we remember what the sun feels like on our pale skin.
Then we realize, just as in the past, they are ignorant to the fact we exist.
Then the shadows come again.
Covering our existence to a world gone blind.

What ya think???

I know I know

I promise I am going to update this blog on a more regular basis starting.......NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So here we go!!

Here is President Obama's Weekly Address this Week Enjoy!! :)

Serena's Burden (An Opinion Piece)

I am so very disappointed at the situation that took place at the United States Open in the women's semi-final match between Serena Williams and Kim Clijsters. I mean I am not even going to go into the call the lines woman made because that is not my concern. But Serena Williams is so I have to take a minute and examine the situation. I have been watching her grow and mature on and off the tennis court for about twelve years now and I must say she has been through it all. She has been booed off of stadiums and criticized throughout the majority of her tennis career. But she still has remained gracious and one of the best through it all.

But let me tell you something. The way she has been treated is utterly ridiculous. I mean I am outraged this is one of the iconic figures of tennis in this generation and she makes one mistake and the United States tennis Association is really going to treat her like this? I mean besides this incident, her mere presence helps the extremely lacking WTA tour. Serena and her sister Venus are two of the most recognizable faces in the world of tennis and without them women's tennis would suffer. Most people that come to see women's tennis come to see them anyway.

What makes me the most upset about this situation is the fact that the media is starting to get it's dirty little hands on it. And of course everyone has an opinion. I have watched several of these shows and many of the Caucasian reporters are having serious issues about how Serena conducted herself. One reporter said she thought it was disgraceful and talked about how her kids would be effected by seeing the event. What people fail to realize is the racial relations related to this incident.

Serena is clearly the dominate player in woman's tennis at this moment and they (the USTA) have clearly been upset about this. They have tried at various times in her reign to distrupt her. Mary Carillo a popular commentator talks about Williams and how she embarrassed the sport by her actions. But what about the sport and what it has done to Serena Williams. Everyone needs to remember the several instances which this has happened before to Serena. I have a theory that Venus is too reserved to display such emotions on the court but Serena is not because she is more emotional and is also a bigger threat to the popular Caucasian stars atop the tennis ladder.

2004 U.S. Open Quarterfinal against Capriati where she was constantly cheated



2003 French Open Semifinal Against Justine Henin where she was booed out of the match (the hand up incident) (Mind you she was right on ever thing, the calls and even the hand up rule)



What about that code violation for the crowds unsportsmanlike conduct????? Not to mention Justine's blatant cheating!!!!!!! I am a justine fan but right is right and rules are rules. Funny how they can be bent for anyone except Serena

Trust me, if this was Maria Sharapova a.k.a. the great white hope in women's tennis we would have heard whispers in the media instead of this onslaught of negativity we have seen over the past few days and trust me I know what I am talking about I have been watching this sport for over 15 years....

Here are some examples of other stars breaking racquets and having outburst and receiving no penalties.......

John Mcenro



Here is another more recent outburst!!!!!



Jennifer Capriati



Roger Federer



So let me get this straight when Federer does it, it's a good thing because he is having a bad day and this release of frustration may help him. Did anyone hear a fine or violation called???? When Serena does it she gets a code violation and a $500 fine from the U.S. Open for racquet abuse??

Fernando Gonzalez



So when Gonzalez does it, it's considered intelligent and a good thing because now he has the crowd on his side and notice he was coded only after smashing it (his racquet) four times.

Andy Roddick



Don't even get me started on Andy Roddick a.k.a the great white hope in American tennis. Look at how he is constantly in the same match belittling the umpire. Yelling at him, asking if he ever finished school and calling him an idiot. I mean really people, did anyone hear a code violation????

Most people would say but why at the U.S. Open she is American right??? No, she is African American and there are completely different standards for us as these videos prove.

Finding Kanye

Well well well, I was talking to a professor of mine today who is a great journalist/writer and we were discussing the incident that involved Kanye West humiliating the young Taylor Swift at the VMA's. She had a most interesting theory that West hurting caused the outburst. I was thinking that since West's mother passed, he has been lost without her. Either way someone needs to talk with this young misguided star before his shine fades. His fame has completely shot to a new level of outrageous antics and stupidity since his mother, who was also his rock, passed.

It is as if he is almost a different person these days. Since she passed, West has put out an album of singing which while entertaining is not his forte. And he is obviously disturbed about where he is in life. Now what am I saying? Am I giving West an excuse from his behavior? Oh no not at all. I am saying that this most unpleasant outburst came from somewhere deeper than the bottle of liquor he drank on the red carpet before going into the event.

All in all, Taylor Swift is a gifted song writer that will be around for years to come if her fame so far is any indication. Her album "Fearless" has gone number one in fourteen different countries. The song "You Belong with Me" which she won best female video over Beyonce and Lady Gaga, shows her tremendous crossover ability by landing as high as number two on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. Amid all of the success her first VMA win will always be tarnished by West's inappropriate actions.

Alright I'm Back

I am soooo sorry you guys, I mean I have been swamped with work and life in general....But I am back and refreshed and ready to work work work......I am always taking suggestions for topics that you guys want to read about but I already have a few things in mind for the coming days so sit back relax and enjoy the read. 

A Serious Question ????!!!!

I am sitting here watching this Real Housewives of Atlanta Marathon they are having because of the season premiere that will happen tonight at ten. If you didn't know now you know. I am a little frustrated watching this because a situation that happened on the series currently happened to me and I just realized it. So of course I had to share it with you. My question is, if you are my friend I mean my true friend, why would I ever lie to you? I mean my personal belief is if I am a true friend of yours I wouldn't lie to you. I would not tell you that you looked good in something if you did not because I would be setting you up to look a hot ass mess in public. One of my latest tweets the other day was: Real friends tell you the truth, fake friends stroke your ego. Also, it is not about keeping someone down because I would not do that to a friend but if your wrong then I am going to tell you your wrong and that will be that.

On the show, Kim and Sharae started to get close and they decided that they had haters. Now this is kind of off topic but something that needs to be addressed IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!Now a hater is someone that tries to put you down for no reason. Someone who cannot do what you can do so they try to pull you down in the dumps with them. What most over-sensitive people fail to realize is, sometimes people are just trying to help you. Because it is worse when you get out in the public eye and everyone is laughing at you because you thought you were talented and their laughs confirm that your not.

A friend is someone who is just keeping it real and has your best interest at heart. Now Kim wanted to be a singer and Nene being the good friend she was told her that she couldn't sing which is true. I mean I know we are all entitled to our opinions but truth is truth. Anyone can listen to that women and know that she is not a singer. I mean it just is not in her deck of cards the almighty gave her. So to call someone a hater because someone told you the truth breeds an insecurity one has with themselves. This is just my opinion but it is unbelieveable that people are so quick to call someone a hater just because they were honest.

So she gets mad at Nene for telling her the truth and goes to Sharae that will only soothe her ego by telling her to believe in her dreams and all of this bull...Now I am all for having dreams but you have to have the tools to at least work toward attaining the dream or goal you have in mind. I mean you cannot be a dancer without having danced or trained to be one. It's just common sense to me but I am fully aware that everyone does not think the same way I do. In the end Nene was labeled as a "hater" and Kim basically abandoned a friend because that friend told her the truth. I mean it makes no sense to me at all.

This happened to me which is the main reason I am writing this post. But now that I look at it, my friend and I had more holes in our relationship that reached deeper then just me telling him the truth. We really had little in common except the fact that we are both writers and black men trying to make it. I don't think we will ever be as close as we once were because I am not here to pad a person's ego or listen to someone who is so self involved that it makes my ears bleed. But I hope that for professional purposes we are able to be cordial to one another and still become fab journalists.

Stop the Presses

Ok so I have a serious question you guys that has been filling my mind for the last few days. If someone wants to be with you aren't they suppose to take you as you are? I mean fully love and cherish the person you are no matter what. This person in my mind, is supposed to understand all of your little quirks and at least tolerate them. I mean I do not expect in the least for this person to act fake and try to put up with me if they really don't want to, but if you love me you have to deal with certain things.

So I ask this question because honey I am in a little bit of a pickle *In Karen Walker voice* I am dating this guy which is hard for me in the first place because I am frankly already tired of keeping track of the people I am dating, and I feel he likes me. So you may wonder what is the problem?? It seems he likes me but that he wants to change me. The reason I suspect this is because he is always talking about which "workout" he is going to put me on. There are also other things that he does and says that lead me to believe he is kind of superficial and heavily influenced by appearance. Anyone who knows me has to know this is the fastest way to turn me off. Now it is possible that he thinks he is helping me because I want too work on my stomach, but I don't need a daily reminder of it.

Now, the other part of the story is better but I am afraid just as complicated. So I was in Baltimore over the past week and I saw an old friend and was really caught off guard. He is someone I have dated before and I really loved him at one point. The reason we had to part was because he did not have his shit together. I mean the first night we met he asked me for money. I was nice and gave it to him but in my head I was like really, I just met you. Another reason and probably the biggest why I had to let him go was he was soooo negative. I am a very upbeat person so he was bringing me down. Everytime I would call something was wrong. Anywho, I like him still and he has changed or it at least appears that way.

So we talked *after doing a few other things, insert smile* and he just laid it on thick. He started to share with me how he was so in love with me and the fact that he couldn't lose me again. He also gave me a ring which carried sentimental value to him and told me that he was saving it for someone special and that he wanted me to wear it. I gagged ok!!!!! I am really stuck between the two of them, HELP ME!!!!!

I tell this little story to try and figure out who to choose? Both have pros and cons but the bottom line is one accepts me for who I already am while the other is trying to create something that is not there yet. Don't ever let someone change you unless you are ready or want to be changed because in the end you have the final say.

Protected

Have you ever heard the true sounds of the forest? Ever really listened to birds flying in a unison that is unmatched by any other group on earth. The smell of the trees and the pitch of the animals running, the scream of the rabbit dying and the fulfillment of the snake eating it. I sit here and watch all of these things unfold from my spot in this union of life. I am in the center of the forest and perhaps one of the tallest beings. I am the king of the forest because my limbs touch everything and tend to form green armor in autumn until the seasons change and my limbs are bare, helpless and unprotected. I have been here the longest as well. Who knew that those little seeds could create something so incredibly massive? I feel the wind whisper in my ears and the birds lay in my skin and create a home of their own. I protect the little ones from the crying of God, and the wrath of the Devil. It is not an easy job but one that I have decided to take on because I feel that I am responsible for these creatures. I am the father of the forests and my children need to be protected at all times. They are small, delicate, scared and dying left and right because of the stronger beings that require us to survive. You see, I am everywhere-in parks, zoos, and lurking in playgrounds. There is only one thing that can stop me is the world. The sound terrifies me because death is knocking on my door. It is cold, uninviting and mocking. This is the one thing that can beat me. I can’t go, who is going to protect my children in our home? Have I failed them because I am not strong enough? No. I am strong but I have to burn now, am I really dying if I am just going to be cut up and used for a different source of pleasure now. I guess I will be watching the other beings grow and have pleasant dinners and watch them watching the box where sounds fall out and they tend to laugh or cry. Either way there is no one to protect me from this, the blade slides through me and I scream like the rabbit and I understand that every life is important. Once I am fertilized and grow again that rabbit will live, because I now realize I could have done more to save his life. I am sure he left behind someone that needed to be protected.