I am hurting ya'll. I feel kinda broken, scared and alone. The worst part, I feel like I and only I can get through this. I been through a lot lately and it just is breaking me down. I am sooo vulnerable and emotional and I don't feel great in this space. I was in a relationship that really put a mirror to my face and I almost screamed at the reflection. I mean this guy doesn't let me get away with anything but I hate the fact that he can get away with murder. Then he wants to act as though he is my daddy as well which is not cool. I mean there were many good things about the relationship but I also feel the relationship was breaking me down because of the constant critiques and also the constant negativity over nothing.
It was just creating more stress in my life that I need at this point honestly.
At times I feel he wants to just control me and wants me to listen to him and only him as if nothing and no one else matters. Calling what other people have to say dismissive. But isn't him calling someone else' comment dismissive dismissing what they have to say all together??? We had dinner recently and he told me that I really don't like to hear the truth. To that I say what is the truth really but a personal opinion? I mean I could see if you are talking about an event but if you are making an assessment that is your opinion NOT an actual truth. I wonder why he doesn't seem to understand that at all. The hardest part is i feel that he gave up on us. I mean we had a couple of disagreements and that was it he wanted out. Also, I feel like he never really listened to what I have to say. I mean I felt like he was always battling me instead of hearing what I really had to say. I always listen to him and try to process what he says but he always wants to have a comeback for everything I say as if he is flawless which no human is at all.
I am broken because he feels I took him for granted and didn't care about him which is sooo not the case. But i am mainly sad because for the first time in my life I feel I MUST be alone because I am going through a period which only i can go through and come out of and I realize I need to be single. Like completely single. I mean only I can help myself. I am currently enrolled in a class that I feel dumb in because it is in a different language.
And sometimes I feel like I am not going to make it and I feel I am not strong enough to make it. But I just have to keep pushing you know, just have to keep pushing. Hoping to rise above it all you know.
