A Serious Question ????!!!!

I am sitting here watching this Real Housewives of Atlanta Marathon they are having because of the season premiere that will happen tonight at ten. If you didn't know now you know. I am a little frustrated watching this because a situation that happened on the series currently happened to me and I just realized it. So of course I had to share it with you. My question is, if you are my friend I mean my true friend, why would I ever lie to you? I mean my personal belief is if I am a true friend of yours I wouldn't lie to you. I would not tell you that you looked good in something if you did not because I would be setting you up to look a hot ass mess in public. One of my latest tweets the other day was: Real friends tell you the truth, fake friends stroke your ego. Also, it is not about keeping someone down because I would not do that to a friend but if your wrong then I am going to tell you your wrong and that will be that.

On the show, Kim and Sharae started to get close and they decided that they had haters. Now this is kind of off topic but something that needs to be addressed IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!Now a hater is someone that tries to put you down for no reason. Someone who cannot do what you can do so they try to pull you down in the dumps with them. What most over-sensitive people fail to realize is, sometimes people are just trying to help you. Because it is worse when you get out in the public eye and everyone is laughing at you because you thought you were talented and their laughs confirm that your not.

A friend is someone who is just keeping it real and has your best interest at heart. Now Kim wanted to be a singer and Nene being the good friend she was told her that she couldn't sing which is true. I mean I know we are all entitled to our opinions but truth is truth. Anyone can listen to that women and know that she is not a singer. I mean it just is not in her deck of cards the almighty gave her. So to call someone a hater because someone told you the truth breeds an insecurity one has with themselves. This is just my opinion but it is unbelieveable that people are so quick to call someone a hater just because they were honest.

So she gets mad at Nene for telling her the truth and goes to Sharae that will only soothe her ego by telling her to believe in her dreams and all of this bull...Now I am all for having dreams but you have to have the tools to at least work toward attaining the dream or goal you have in mind. I mean you cannot be a dancer without having danced or trained to be one. It's just common sense to me but I am fully aware that everyone does not think the same way I do. In the end Nene was labeled as a "hater" and Kim basically abandoned a friend because that friend told her the truth. I mean it makes no sense to me at all.

This happened to me which is the main reason I am writing this post. But now that I look at it, my friend and I had more holes in our relationship that reached deeper then just me telling him the truth. We really had little in common except the fact that we are both writers and black men trying to make it. I don't think we will ever be as close as we once were because I am not here to pad a person's ego or listen to someone who is so self involved that it makes my ears bleed. But I hope that for professional purposes we are able to be cordial to one another and still become fab journalists.

Stop the Presses

Ok so I have a serious question you guys that has been filling my mind for the last few days. If someone wants to be with you aren't they suppose to take you as you are? I mean fully love and cherish the person you are no matter what. This person in my mind, is supposed to understand all of your little quirks and at least tolerate them. I mean I do not expect in the least for this person to act fake and try to put up with me if they really don't want to, but if you love me you have to deal with certain things.

So I ask this question because honey I am in a little bit of a pickle *In Karen Walker voice* I am dating this guy which is hard for me in the first place because I am frankly already tired of keeping track of the people I am dating, and I feel he likes me. So you may wonder what is the problem?? It seems he likes me but that he wants to change me. The reason I suspect this is because he is always talking about which "workout" he is going to put me on. There are also other things that he does and says that lead me to believe he is kind of superficial and heavily influenced by appearance. Anyone who knows me has to know this is the fastest way to turn me off. Now it is possible that he thinks he is helping me because I want too work on my stomach, but I don't need a daily reminder of it.

Now, the other part of the story is better but I am afraid just as complicated. So I was in Baltimore over the past week and I saw an old friend and was really caught off guard. He is someone I have dated before and I really loved him at one point. The reason we had to part was because he did not have his shit together. I mean the first night we met he asked me for money. I was nice and gave it to him but in my head I was like really, I just met you. Another reason and probably the biggest why I had to let him go was he was soooo negative. I am a very upbeat person so he was bringing me down. Everytime I would call something was wrong. Anywho, I like him still and he has changed or it at least appears that way.

So we talked *after doing a few other things, insert smile* and he just laid it on thick. He started to share with me how he was so in love with me and the fact that he couldn't lose me again. He also gave me a ring which carried sentimental value to him and told me that he was saving it for someone special and that he wanted me to wear it. I gagged ok!!!!! I am really stuck between the two of them, HELP ME!!!!!

I tell this little story to try and figure out who to choose? Both have pros and cons but the bottom line is one accepts me for who I already am while the other is trying to create something that is not there yet. Don't ever let someone change you unless you are ready or want to be changed because in the end you have the final say.

Protected

Have you ever heard the true sounds of the forest? Ever really listened to birds flying in a unison that is unmatched by any other group on earth. The smell of the trees and the pitch of the animals running, the scream of the rabbit dying and the fulfillment of the snake eating it. I sit here and watch all of these things unfold from my spot in this union of life. I am in the center of the forest and perhaps one of the tallest beings. I am the king of the forest because my limbs touch everything and tend to form green armor in autumn until the seasons change and my limbs are bare, helpless and unprotected. I have been here the longest as well. Who knew that those little seeds could create something so incredibly massive? I feel the wind whisper in my ears and the birds lay in my skin and create a home of their own. I protect the little ones from the crying of God, and the wrath of the Devil. It is not an easy job but one that I have decided to take on because I feel that I am responsible for these creatures. I am the father of the forests and my children need to be protected at all times. They are small, delicate, scared and dying left and right because of the stronger beings that require us to survive. You see, I am everywhere-in parks, zoos, and lurking in playgrounds. There is only one thing that can stop me is the world. The sound terrifies me because death is knocking on my door. It is cold, uninviting and mocking. This is the one thing that can beat me. I can’t go, who is going to protect my children in our home? Have I failed them because I am not strong enough? No. I am strong but I have to burn now, am I really dying if I am just going to be cut up and used for a different source of pleasure now. I guess I will be watching the other beings grow and have pleasant dinners and watch them watching the box where sounds fall out and they tend to laugh or cry. Either way there is no one to protect me from this, the blade slides through me and I scream like the rabbit and I understand that every life is important. Once I am fertilized and grow again that rabbit will live, because I now realize I could have done more to save his life. I am sure he left behind someone that needed to be protected.

Defected!!!!!

I AM DEFECTED!!!!!!!!!!!!
Something has to be wrong with me
I am not taking you seriously
I don’t wake up with the urge to call you at all
Don’t want to break your heart trying not to let it fall
The urge to be with you in your presence
You fill so much for me
But I Feel empty
This nothingness disturbs me to the core
I want to feel like you do
But I am torn inside
Numb
Still Dealing with the side effects of other failures
I am presently not operational
Like a toy overused
Why can’t I feel this love that is so evident in my life?
I am missing out on this joyous experience
I am defected
Broken, Erased, Reset
Trying to restart and become functional once again
So I can play my part
In this love story I am living

The Fire in A Woman's Heart: A Short Story

She sees him walking all around every day looking so good in his shoes, fitted hat and fresh white tee or crisp polo. 6’3, 19, a rich heresy chocolate complexion, dark deep brown eyes that a girl could lose herself in if she wasn’t careful. Not knowing what she is going to get herself into. He sees her the same way. Desiree looks good, the way she struts around like she is the shit and she knows it. 5’10, 21, a light golden honey complexion, yeah she was sweet and looked good enough to eat, heels, long flowing hair that never seemed to end, the face of a model but the body of a southern girl. Jeans, hugging every part of her body like nature intended it to with a form fitting top. He had seen her around a lot. Always looking nice and wondering when he was going to be able to try to talk to her. It was the end of freshmen year and he had his eye on her from the beginning.

See, she was not the average girl because she not only had the looks and the body but she had the brains as well. She was about to be a senior at Southern University. Tim, being a freshmen, knew that this would put him on the map if he could get Desiree in the sheets. He was a little scared about their age difference but he figured with all of the girls he got in High School, College girls could not be that much different. She was one of the most popular girls on campus and she was bad. He decided to go for it even though he was still a little nervous. He came toward her like she was a wounded gazelle in the desert and he was a lion coming to feast on his prey.

“What’s good shorty”, He says. “Nothing much what’s up with you, boy” she replies.

With a simple hello to one another, the tension started to bounce off of their bodies erupting like fireworks in the sky. He wants to get her into his bed but she is no ordinary female and Tim knows he will have to treat her right in order to get what he wants. So he decides to take it slow with her and treat her with respect because this is the way she carries herself. It’s a shame that all he wants to do is add her to his checklist of girls that he has been with dating back to High School. He does not want to know about how she is scared of thunder and likes to be held in order to feel safe or how she is obsessed with Tori Amos and Aaliyah.

No, no, no, Tim has no interest in that, just in getting her to open up the cookie jar. He wants to sample her cookies and try to figure out how good they taste in contrast to all the other flavors he has sampled in the past. Tim is no ordinary male either, he plays the part of the caring, sweet, considerate boyfriend for three months in order to get close enough to her so he can get inside of her house to taste the cookies. Tim waits and waits until one day she decided to open the door and give him a grand tour.

“Tonight”, Desiree says. “Are you sure you want to do this babe?”, Tim replies. “Yes, because I feel like we are becoming one emotionally, do you feel the same Tim?”

Tim thought for a minute to himself and he realized that this was the moment where he could seal the deal, all of this time having no interest in this girl what-so-ever, he cannot believe that she cracked and gave him the perfect excuse to lay in bed with her. “Yes, baby I feel the same” he said.
After that familiar beacon of light went down and the birds took their leave for the day, Tim came over to see her and he was ready to taste these cookies. They would probably be the sweetest yet.

Tim was truly a sneaky, devilish, boy that had no remorse for the countless number of females he took advantage of over the course of his life. Desiree would be no different to him, just the first college name to check off of his list.
He looked into her eyes and peaked down into her soul where she was her most vulnerable. Her eyes read “take me”, or so he thought. He grabbed her and while he gazed into her eyes that were leaning back into her head he saw her for the first time. His body overtook hers as a dominate force and they breathed as one. He thrust and he had found the cookie jar. Hers were unlike any other he had sampled before. He could not understand or figure out why, but there was something about hers that set her apart from the rest. “It was extra warm and more experienced!”, Tim concluded.

She grabbed him and was holding on as if she were hanging off of a building, grasping for life, she screamed “I Love You” and while she was screaming he was dying. This was something that Tim was not aware of. Tim was always a harsh person but he never cared about anyone, but on this day he finally found his match.
Among the countless number of girls there was one he messed with named Stacie Washington. Tim and Stacie were both seventeen at the time of their sexual encounter. She was a sweet girl who never did anything to anyone and just wanted to have a steady boyfriend that loved her. She unfortunately ran into Tim. He did the same thing to her and her entire world changed for the worst. Again, he did the same thing to her as he had just finished doing to Desiree and Stacie was heartbroken. She transformed from the sweet little girl that never hurt anyone, to a ferocious mean-spirited girl who was out for revenge. That same week she received a call from her older sister with tragic news. Her sister told her that she had just discovered that she was H.I.V. positive. Stacie felt so sorry for her sister but she also was still upset about what had happened to her.

Tim soon realized the difference in Desiree’s cookies; they were made out of infected dough. By the time Tim was a junior in college, he knew about his condition. His T-cells had dropped so low that his skin started to change colors. He caught what started as a bad cough and turned into the flu. As he lay in the hospital bed dying, he tried to remember all of the girls that he had loved and left to try and figure out who had given him this deadly virus. Carmen, Tiffany, Karen, Stacie, Sabrina, Dawn, Dominique.

“This just doesn’t make sense.” Tim thought.

That night he closed his eyes for the last time and he would never know what had happened to him in this life. The virus had overtaken his system so much that by the time he knew his status it was too late.

What Tim never found out were the last names of the girls that he had intercourse with. There was Carmen Adams, Tiffany Weatherspoon, Dominique Johnson, Karen O’Day, Sabrina Mitchell, Dawn Hill, Stacie Washington, and Desiree Washington. Maybe if Tim would have cared just a little bit more about who he laid in bed with, he would have realized that Stacie and Desiree were sisters.

The day Stacie found out that her sister was H.I.V. positive, she also told her sister about Tim and how he treated her. Desiree, hearing the story of her sister’s experience, became emotional over the phone and told her younger sister not to worry because she would take care of everything. Desiree had experienced guys like Tim before and she decided to put a stop to his madness once and for all. She decided to punish Tim for his years of heartbreak and disloyalty to women. She decided to do it without her younger sister knowing.

When she first saw Tim she felt bad knowing that she was about to kill another human being but after remembering the sounds of her beloved sister’s cries on the phone a fire raged in her and she knew what she wanted to do. Everyday for the first week of school she attended every function Tim attended and made sure she was gorgeous at all times. She knew that she would eventually get his attention, but what she did not know was how long to wait before infecting him. She didn’t know how smart he was so she played the respected, don’t take no mess, sister because she knew that if she tried to strike too soon that he might become suspicious. She will never forget the day that she infected him. She was so pleased with herself knowing that she honored her promise to her sister and that Tim’s days were numbered because he had not the slightest clue. Which leads to the point of the story, don’t mess with a woman’s heart because once it is lit ablaze the flames will be unstoppable. And you might get burned.

The Center of Me: Poem

You are a piece, a part the art of me

What am I to do with you I have no clue

I am so very confused because you love me

I mean really love me through actions because I don’t believe in people’s words anymore

Because sometimes they are false opening only trapped doors

And you know why, you know everything and you still love me

In my world that is so odd

There are no masks around you just me

I am completely stripped of the everyday world

You are a piece, a part the art of me

You make me feel so beautiful

I don’t deserve you

And to think I almost let you slip through my little fingers

I now realize that I must close my fists and grab you before you slip

Through the cracks of my soul

You give me a reason to smile again

To live, feel and breathe again

I feel light and a little like a human being again

You have no idea what you mean to me

You are a piece, a part the art of me

Setting me free from this world

Wrapping me up in your leaves of love

I love your scenery your green grass with your soiled completion that nurtures me

You set me free my soul on fire

With the desire to love you

To L.O.V.E. you be with Y.O.U

YOU LOVE ME

You are helping me slowly put back the pieces of my heart

That once became lost in the dark

It has been one hell of a hunt finding them

Always playing the perfect role at the perfect time

You are a piece, a part the art of me

Teaching, loving, completing me

Eternal Life: Poem

When I was lost and near death the ocean took my lifeless hands and breathed into them.

I was instantly hydrated by its liquid life.

I swam and swam until I reached the destination I desired.

As I look back at the water it smiles at me.

Urging me to keep pushing, keep living, life.

I will never forget when the ocean shared a part of itself with me and breathed
inspiration into my merely human body.

Nature is inside of me now, a piece of my limbs.

I promise I will never let the ocean down.

Because it has high hopes for me in the world I am plunging into.

I will have to hold my breath and swim to my eventual freedom.